And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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