Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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