Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
