Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
someone owes me an orgasm
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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