What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
