Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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