i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
