So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
