Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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