Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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