well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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