She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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