ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
