sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
