i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
