I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize