This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize