im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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