so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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