Ambien. No doubt about it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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