Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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