i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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