when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
