Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
