He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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