sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
