walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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