The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
