WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
