I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
