"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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