Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
