not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
