i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
