Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
