so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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