I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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