I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
