I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
