Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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