Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
