Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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