Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
