If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
