Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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