OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
