Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
