my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
