I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
