You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
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I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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