my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
