You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
