I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize