I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
