I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
