just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
