I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
