You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
