cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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