I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
